Walls down
by equalliving
Summary: So this is my first time writing any form of fanfiction. I do not own any of the characters, and I have tried to incorporate some of the lines, which Jude and Zero say in the 03x04 teaser. I had some many ideas and thoughts of what could happen in episode four, so I decided to write one of them down, so I had something to do until Monday comes. Hope you enjoy! :)


It wasn't that Zero hadn't tried forgetting about Jude. Sure the first days and weeks after his demand of a date Zero had seriously considered giving in and just calling him, but he knew he couldn't. He told himself that in his line of business there was no going public as a homosexual or even bisexual, but the truth is that calling Jude would mean something else. Calling Jude would mean that this thing between them had become deep and if there was one thing Zero didn't do it was deep. Things always got too complicated and the risk of opening up to someone who should care only to find out that they don't was not something Zero needed to try again. So he didn't call but instead threw himself at other distractions such as exercise, training and random hook-ups.

Nothing helped though and slowly Zero realized that getting over Jude was impossible so when the season start came around Zero tried making Jude his agent again. Sure he already had a new agent, it had taken less than a week to get this new Lucas guy, but the guy wasn't Jude, and the risk of Jude moving away for another job was high. Of course, Jude hadn't jumped at the opportunity. He was no fool and probably knew why Zero had wanted him back. Zero had, however, never expected Jude to say no. When Jude explained how Lionel had offered him another job at the Devils he had relaxed a bit more since that meant that Jude would still be connected to the Devils and therefore still be near. However, the new Lucas guy proved to be more difficult than Zero had foreseen. Lucas and Jude had quickly started talking and when he saw the two of them sitting in the bar Zero had walked straight up to Lucas to start any discussion with him so that he would leave. It worked of course but had he heard correct? Had he heard Lucas talking something about a date?

Of course, Jude caught him in the act and even though Zero kept his walls up and joked a bit, his walls were down for those few seconds where he touched Jude's hand before Jude moved back. It felt like Jude moved his hand far too soon, but since they were in a public place, it was probably for the best anyway, even though that had been the last thought in Zero's mind. Zero had yearned to touch Jude again, been going over all of their nights, touches and kisses over and over again in his head the last couple of months, so much that it ended with Zero thinking of Jude every single day. Jude was dangerously handsome, smart, sweet and kind and surely Lucas had already noticed all of this. Since Jude had no interest in hiding that he was gay, it was only a matter of time before Lucas was going to try something with Jude. The next day Zero overheard Lucas telling Derek that he had a lunch appointment, and Zero instantly had a bad feeling about this. So of course, he texted and called Lucas right in the middle of lunch, waiting to contact Lucas just long enough so that he would have to leave, but still not too late so that Jude had found too much interest in him or vice versa. The lunch date meant that Zero knew he had to step up his game, and he, therefore, tried asking Jude on a date even though he may have covered it up with another reason such as to piss off Terrence. All he got was a no, and worse than that when he tried to get information out of Jude regarding a possible date with Lucas Jude didn't even care to respond, but instead he just left. Zero tried shaking it off with a laugh the same way he had done previously at the photo shoot but he wasn't entirely successful. Sure the buy up that Jelena and Terrence were planning proved to be a much-needed distraction for Zero, but Jude never left his mind, and Zero knew he had to do something more to show Jude that he cared for him.

That was what he had tried to do at the engagement party. It wasn't as hard telling Jude that he was always on Zero's mind because it was the truth. Zero had expected it to be harder or even impossible for him to do anything like that but he proved himself wrong. This was Jude, and he needed and missed him more than he was even ready to admit to himself let alone to Jude.

Hooking up in the closet was an absolute relief, and maybe that is why it had been so easy telling Jude that he had missed him because now the past few months could be forgotten, and he could be with Jude again. Of course, it all went south two seconds after and when Jude told Zero to leave him alone it hit him harder than he thought possible. Zero knew he couldn't do that, but he pulled himself together and managed to distract himself a bit more by teasing Jelena and Terrence before he left the party.

 **Jude's POV**

I had a hard time focusing on the 8 o'clock meeting I was stuck in where some guy was talking about making a stronger profile of the Kinkade name. I was sleep deprived and the awful coffee at this meeting had done nothing to wake me up so far.

After the night with Zero, I knew I had to make some changes. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. After the meeting I went to my office to check some e-mails, but the day seemed to go particularly slow and since I had a hard time concentrating I decided to take some air.

"Hey Jude" I recognized Lucas voice immediately

"Man, you look tired."

"Just couldn't sleep" I answered and faked a smile

"Nothing serious I hope."

I considered what to answer to that. There were several reasons why I couldn't tell him the true reason behind my lack of sleep. Somehow I didn't see this conversation going very well if I told Lucas that I had hooked up with the previous guy last night; my first and only guy, I told him about, only to discover that nothing had changed. Zero's feelings and the things he wanted was exactly the same. So instead of telling the truth I just ended with a plain "nope."

"Well okay then, see you around" Lucas said smiling before walking away.

That's when it hit me I could move on I had the perfect opportunity to do so with Lucas. He was a handsome guy who had no problem with who he was, he didn't put an unbreakable wall up, and he was honest. Sure it did hurt when he told me that I ruined our lunch date, but it was the truth. It was then I decided I would move on. I would forget about Zero and focus on the great guy that Lucas was.

"Hey Lucas" I yelled a little after him and ran up to him while he turned towards me with half his attention on his phone

"What's up?" He asked with a smile and looked at the phone again

Here goes nothing...

"I feel horrible about last time, and I was wondering if you would give me a second chance?"

Lucas looked up.

"Jude, I don't know... You are a great guy and all, but I don't want to get in the middle of something and you clearly still have feelings for that other guy."

"I did, yes... But not anymore that is completely over and has been for a while". Again I saw no need to tell Lucas about last night, which had only proved that nothing had changed so, in that case, it had been over for over four months now.

"All I want is to take you out on another date and maybe prove to you that the old guy is out of the picture..."

Lucas had a small smile on his face and before I could think any further Lucas kissed me. It was a quick kiss, and it was over before I had even started to comprehend what was happening.

"It's a date!" He said as soon as his lips had left mine

I opened my eyes and smiled.

"Sounds great"

Out of my eye, I saw someone approaching and I quickly realized it was Zero.

"Lucas" Zero yelled at him. Without thinking, I looked up and looked directly at Zero. Panic started to rise, and I knew I had to get away from there.

"See you later" I quickly said and smiled before turning to walk away.

 **Zero's POV**

Seeing Lucas kissing Jude completely stopped me in my tracks. My hands involuntary fisted and anger rose within me. It was not so much the fact that Lucas had kissed Jude that bothered me, but rather that Jude hadn't seemed to mind it at all. Luckily the kiss was quick, and as soon as Lucas had stopped kissing Jude I began to walk again heading in their direction perhaps a bit faster than before.

"Lucas" I called when I was close enough so that he could hear me without me doing too much of an effort to call him. Jude looked up and for just a split of a second looked straight into my eyes.

"See you later" I heard Jude say to him just before he turned around and left in the opposite directions. A knot was forming in my belly. I had a feeling that Jude would be trying to avoid me for the entire day, but now it also sounded like the steal-kissing Lucas now had a date with Jude as well.

Lucas turned around facing me and looked far too smug.

"Have you received the papers for my sponsor deals?" I asked while trying to contain my temper.

"Yeah I just got them this morning. If you want, I can bring them to you"

"Nah, just send them to me so I can sign them" The thought of spending too much time with him was more than my patience could bear and I felt like I was about to explode.

"Perfect will do!" Lucas answered with a huge smile on his face. Oh, how I hate this guy was my final thought before I turned and walked away before I risked saying or doing anything reckless. I was heading straight to the gym to let off some steam.

 **Jude's POV**

I had my eyes closed and the back of my head resting on my closed office door. Seeing Zero again while asking Lucas out had been harder than I thought it would be. What made it all worse is that I was afraid Zero had seen Lucas kissing me. I was almost positive he had seen it. I was trying to forget about Zero and only focus on Lucas, but he kept interfering at all the worst possible times. Maybe starting something with his agent was a bad idea. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself.

I needed to get some work done but my heart was pondering and my hands sweaty. I barely had any sleep last night since I kept thinking about how great it had been with Zero how much I had missed him and how great it was to hear that he had missed me too and to see his wall not only fall once but twice. Although to be honest, the thing that was mostly keeping me up was the shattering proof that nothing had changed. Zero still wouldn't be in a relationship with me, still wouldn't go public and probably still wouldn't want anything deep. That's when I decided to start forgetting about Zero and move on. When I saw Lucas today at the stadium, it seemed like perfect timing, and Lucas was even easier to convince for a second date then I thought possible and for just a tiny split of a second I had felt good, relieved even. Sure Lucas had shocked me with the kiss, but I was putting Zero behind and moving on with a new great guy. Lucas wasn't going to hide me away or flirt with other people in front of me. It had all felt good until I had caught Zero's figure out of my eye moving towards us. I knew I couldn't stay and watch how Zero talked to Lucas one more time, especially not after the kiss, so instead I just left. I went straight to my office, and now I really needed to get some work done. Today was a long day, and the team was playing tonight at an event Lionel had arranged to profile the Devils even more now that the ties to Oscar were finally cut.

The Devils won the game, but it was no thanks to Zero who was sloppy and even lost the ball a couple of times and had some misses. He needed to step up his game if he wanted to keep working towards being captain. I began to wonder if it was his loss of the captain title that had him so out of it or whether it was because of me. I quickly shook my head and decided to think of something else. Nothing good was coming out of that train of thought.

"Where did you go?" Lionel asked

"What do you mean?"

"Well you obviously haven't had much sleep, but it seems that you have been distant and in your own head the entire day. What's going on?"

"Damn she was smart" I tried forcing a small smile.

"Oscar contacted me" I said trying to steer away from any other topic.

"What does he want?"

"To meet me I guess. Probably since he can't get to you, he is trying to get to me"

"Oh, Jude don't go. Stay away from that sperm donor and move on. He is absolutely not worth a second of your thoughts"

"I know..." I said while looking down. There was no reason to tell Lionel that I had already visited him. I just needed her to stop ask any more questions.

"Well I thought it was about something else entirely" She said teasing while puffing my shoulder.

I looked up at her

"What do you mean?"

"Well someone had a wild night in the coat room last night, and I was wondering who that could have been" She smiled and gave a small wink

I felt like I was about to blush and I wanted nothing more to disappear at this moment.

"Nope nothing to do with me" I said in the most nonchalant tone I could manage, but I am not sure she bought it.

After the event, I went to pick a few things at the office and answer some final e-mails before I decided to go home.

Zero was standing looking at his poster near my car at the parking lot when I got out. I took a deep breath trying to brace myself for what was coming

"You really didn't have to go through al this to say thanks, but I am glad you did" His mask was up again, and I did not have the energy for this.

"That's all Lionel. It's a part of her new media strategy" I answered dryly, without a response from him I continued

"You are a valuable member of the team" I could almost feel the frustrations soothing off him, but I didn't care. I needed to move on and to do so, I needed to treat him like all the other players. So I said goodnight and walked over to my car

 **Zero's POV**

I had been one hundred percent sure that this was Jude's doing and to learn that Lionel was the only reason that poster was up hurt more than I thought it would have, but when Jude called me a valuable member of the team I lost it.

"A valuable member of the team!?"

"You are talking to me like I am a stranger!" I perfectly remembered all the pitches and speeches from different sponsors, agents and what not telling me how I could be a valuable member of their team or company. After everything we had been through and after all that I had done for him, the least he could do was not to treat me like some stranger or another player.

"You either refuse to get it, or you never will" Jude answered dryly, but slightly irritated.

Oh, I got it. Jude wants to go on dates and be together in public to do all kinds of relationships stuff together, but I had never done any of that.

I noticed how Jude's things were already in the car and that he was about to open the car door so he could drive away.

The thought of having Jude leave again like that was unbearable, and panic rose, and before I knew of it I blurted out

"I love you!"

Jude stopped and turned around and looked me straight in my eyes

"Alright." I tried to calm myself, and I noticed that Jude had removed his hand from the car door, and I suddenly realized what I had done. Blurted out that I loved him was not a part of my plan but to be honest, I am not sure I have any more ideas or tricks to pull anymore.

"I…" The irony wasn't lost on me. I still remembered when I told Jude that I didn't do relationships since things just got complicated. It was never my plan to end up falling in love with Jude. It was never my intention standing some months later confessing my love for the guy outside of the Devils arena. Jude had done a pretty good job of pushing me away the last couple of days, but I couldn't back down now.

"I love you, stupid" I repeated in a calmer tone

Jude just looked at me with an expression I had only seen twice before. So far it all had a good outcome. Jude had done it before he had kissed me back when we were in Jude's apartment, and he did the same before kissing me in the wardrobe. I just hoped that it was going to be the same positive outcome now.

 **Jude's POV**

I couldn't believe my ears, and if it hadn't been because Zero had shouted I love you, I would have been convinced that I hadn't heard right.

I was utterly speechless, and it was clear that Zero had lost the mask maybe even unintentionally, but he still chose repeat it. I couldn't help but smile to stand in front of the guy I had fallen in love with a long time ago, the same guy who had discarded any form of a relationship or anything deeper than sex had now put his walls down.

"I love you too" It felt good to finally say those words to him, but I knew that it was not enough I need more than just love, I need to not be in hiding, or have my boyfriend flirt with other people while I am there. I knew that coming out as a public sports figure was no walk in the park, and I couldn't force Zero to do that. After all, it had taken me a while as well to get to that point but I needed to have someone I can trust completely. I need Zero to be there for me in any way and to be able to support and be honest with each other.

"can you?"

"can you do that?" I asked silently hoping for Zero to say yes.

 **Zero's POV**

Shit! I have no idea what to do… No, I can't just take Jude's hand and walk with him or make a press conference to announce that I am bisexual. But maybe that wasn't really what Jude was asking right now… I can be there for Jude. I have been there for him. I supported him several times regarding Oscar, I had been honest with Jude and confided in him with my upbringing so I would be able to be supportive, I could be honest but this needed to go both ways. Jude needed to trust me as well, no more secret meetings with other people trying to get out of trouble. We both needed, to be honest with each other.

"Jelena and Terrence have made an offer for buying the Devils" This was a secret I hadn't told Jude, even though I probably should have.

"What?!"

"I told them they would have my silence if they kick Derek of the team if they are successful in buying the Devils" I continued since Jude was just staring at me without saying a word, but I could see he was fuming.

"I should have told you, but I want to try so I am telling you now" I swallowed too nervous to what Jude was going to say or whether he would be too angry with me for not telling him sooner.

"Thank you for telling me" Jude said silently

I looked up and made a small smile

We stood silently in the dark night looking into each other eyes.

"Come on" Jude said while he was getting in the car. I stood unable to move.

"Unless you don't want to go back to my place?" Jude continued

I smiled and quickly jumped in the car.


End file.
